If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
