I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
