I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
