there was a trapeze. enough said
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
