She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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