you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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