What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
