I want to have your abortion
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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