Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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