If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
