hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
