So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
whose parrot is this?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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