He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
