I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
