I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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