youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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