So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm at about main and main street
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
