u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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