when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
