Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
