you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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