Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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