I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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