I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
