I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
