I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
