I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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