Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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