Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
