just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
