Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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