I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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