I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
