She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
