I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize