We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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