I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
