after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
