i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Barsexuality is the new black.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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