we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My dick has a subreddit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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