I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
