Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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