I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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