You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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