i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
