Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were trust falling into bushes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
