Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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