The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
