I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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