You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
