Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
