then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
