She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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