well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
