The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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