some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
last night I used snow as a chaser
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
