Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
